Good Luck, Buddy

Now once upon a time not too long ago
A nigga like myself had to strong-arm a ho
This is not a ho in the sense of havin' a pussy
But a pussy havin' no god damn sense, try and push me
I try to ignore him, talk to the Lord
Pray for him, but some fools just love to perform
You know the type, loud as a motorbike
But wouldn't bust a grape in a fruit fight.
-- Jay-Z, 99 Problems

A sign of the depth of mental and emotional illness of today's world, we have allowed ourselves to slip so far down the slope of human experience that only the most egregious offenses toward human dignity and security receive any attention. It's this sort of world where politicians call each other Nazis: without referencing one of humanity's greatest atrocities, the audience pays no attention much less heed.

It's in this context that oppression thrives, but not the sort that receieves attention, rather the subtle creeping sort - the sort someone might say "Hey, take it easy, I didn't mean any harm" when in fact their linguistic choices were deeply intentional and meant to subjugate, harm, and degrade.

Take, for instance, the example of a 1890's White referring to an adult Black man as "boy." It's just a figure of speech, right? But why, of all words available, choose to refer to another fully grown man as "boy." Occam's Razor suggests the correct answer.

Similarly, take the example of a woman in 1950's America's office culture. The very same woman who may have run wartime production lines now reports to a man (guess what color skin - one guess) who regularly refers to her as "doll."

I am personally guilty - and unapologetically so - of using language to strategically undermine an opponent or group of opponents, which I think gives me a unique perspective on how language can be used to harm and oppress. Maybe an analogy would be a firearm manufacturer who supports gun control. (Imagine that!)

All of which leads me to society at large's liberal usage of the word "buddy" in conversation with me. The word is not inherently harmful, same as boy or doll, but when used in an inappropriate context, it becomes a not-so-subtle form of linguistic aggression. Adults do not refer to other adults as "buddy," just like they do not refer to other adults as "boy" or "doll" any more.

It is quickly becoming one of my great pleasures to respond to this sort of not-so-direct linguistic aggression with extremely direct aggression.

An anecdote:

Two days ago, I was at a local bar having a drink alone, making small talk with the staff who I've come to know. Within a few minutes, a 50-something year old man sits down next to me and starts to not so subtlely needle me, trying to get under my skin. After a bit of verbal parrying, he finally decides to call me buddy. "Did you seriously just fucking call me buddy?" New level unlocked. For the next 5-10 minutes (or what felt like it) I called my barside neighbor a bitch to his face with the full knowledge he would do nothing about it.

The point of the anecdote isn't to gloat or celebrate the achievement of calling a bitch a bitch, but rather to demonstrate how an oppressor (this dude was a Phish fan, btw - I'm sure they would be super proud of his behavior) responds when he is 1-on-1 in a confrontation: he freezes and retreats.

Of course, I was lucky to be at a friendly local bar dealing with an asshole from out of town. My strategy would almost certainly backfire in a situation where Whitey could appeal to other oppressors for support.

The point is that, like Jigga said 20 years ago, some fools just love to perform but when it comes to confrontation, they can't step into the power their choice of lanugage tries to usurp. And to these types of almost always White men, I wish you way more than luck. You're gonna need it.